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The World Out There Reflects How You Treat Yourself In Here.
Here's A Useless Word: Forgive
Useless because most us of don't have a clear image of what "forgive"
looks like in real, practical terms. Because of that we have difficulty
puting it into action. If you can't invision something, you will have
trouble puting it into practice. As a child, I'd hear the word and the
accompaning sermons, but I could not grasp an image of forgiveness in
every day living. It was just something we were supposed to do in our
heads, like an attitude.
If your mother asked you to go to the store to get a loaf of bread
for her, you could do it. You know what a loaf of bread looks like, more
or less. If she asked you to forgive the neighborhood bully for spiting
on you this afternoon on the way home from school, would you know what
forgiveness looked like as an act? What is the "doing" part of
forgiviness? The excerpt below clears up that mystery.
"In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts
irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village,
alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child
in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual.
Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, each
recalling the good things the person in the center of the circle has
done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be
recalled with any detail and accuracy, is recounted. All his positive
attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are recited carefully
and at length. This tribal ceremony often lasts for several days. At the
end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and
the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe."
--(The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness and Peace; Jack Kornfield,
Bantam, 2002, page 42.)
Now, I can see what forgiveness looks like. I can hear it. I can feel
it. It's a doable act. All that's left is to apply it to myself. So
here's the exercise for the month: put yourself in the center of your
"village" and let all the parts of yourself recall all the good things
about the offending part of yourself. Point? It's prety hard to forgive
others until you have a real and practical way to forgive
yourself.------------- by Paul W. Anderson, Ph.D.
More information about Jack Kornfield's Forgiveness book.
Quick Links...
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Dear Paul,
What's your focus these days? Is is survival or a mindful
awarness of your relationship(s) to people, places and things? The
first focus is a reactive one, looking at life from the outside in.
"How does what's going on out there affect me? Shall I fear it,
attack it or flee from it? How do I have to react to survive?"
The second focus looks at life from the inside out. It requires
me to thoughtfully examine how I am relating to the outside world.
"What's my part in what is going on out there? How did I contribute
to what just happened to me? If the world out there is a reflection
of my inner world, what does the relationship(s) I have with people,
places and things say about how I am taking care of myself?" Fear or
growth and development? It's not possible to do both. Let me know
what you think!--------- Paul W. Anderson, Ph.D-------
www.netpsychologist.com
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Guest Column: by Diane Matheny
-Choosing To Be Authentic and Perfectly Imperfect- Making
decisions about coping with pain would be easier if we understood
the motivations for our choices. That understanding offers us a
better chance of choosing something that will enhance our lives,
diminish our suffering or allow us to act responsibly toward others.
If our choices come from a desire to avoid a difficult situation or
is simply the easiest course of action, we may choose a distraction
from the problem and fail to meet the underlying
need.--------------------------- By listening to our hearts and
learning to trust what we hear, we are more likely to identify the
unmet need along with a healthy method for meeting it. When we
choose a distraction from our problem, we fail to meet the
underlying need. Taking a drink instead of asking for reassurance,
or watching television instead of apologizing for picking a fight,
prevents true relief from the pain. Believing we cannot get what we
need often prevents us from searching for the approach that would
ease our suffering. As we grow brave and begin to face the reasons
we choose distractions rather than solutions, we discover behaviors
that provide healing rather than harm. Unmet needs will continue to
penetrate the barrier of our distractions until they create a
crisis; and making decisions in a crisis is like walking against
hurricane winds. Making healing decisions can change our beliefs and
provide evidence that we can get what we need.
One of the most popular of all Buddhist deities is Chenrezig, the
Buddha of Compassion. He is considered the patron Bodhisattva of
Tibet, and his meditation is practiced in all the great lineages of
Tibetan Buddhism. According to legend, Chenrezig vowed that he would
devote his entire meditation to liberating all beings from suffering
and would not rest until he was successful. He told his teacher,
Amitabha, that if he broke his promise his head and body should be
hacked into a thousand pieces. His teacher, admiring his promise,
agreed to help him accomplish it. ---------------------------------
After working at his task for eons, Chenrezig realized he had not
been successful since the number of beings who were still suffering
was enormous. He became despondent and decided to stop trying. With
this decision, he broke his promise and his head and body split into
thousands of pieces. Amitabha, fulfilling his agreement to help
Chenrezig, put the pieces back together as a body with a thousand
arms and hands with an eye on each palm to see the suffering in the
world, and eleven heads, allowing him to assist the countless beings
all at the same time. Amitabha asked Chenrezig to take his promise
with even more vigor than before and gave him the six-syllable
mantra: Om Mani Padme Hum (ohm mah nee pahd may hum) "Hail to the
Jewel in the Lotus" which frees all beings from suffering.
The truth about the nature of suffering and the many ways of
removing its causes is contained in these six syllables. In most
religious traditions we pray to the deities hoping we will receive
their blessings. In the vajrayana Buddhist tradition, the blessing
and the power to relieve suffering are believed to be innate in all
of us - aspects of our true nature. Therefore, Cherezig and his
loving compassion are within us.----------------------- - All
Buddhist teachings are based on Buddha's discovery that suffering is
unnecessary. Once we face the fact that we are suffering, we can
look more deeply and discover the cause; and when we discover that
the cause is dependent on certain conditions, we can explore the
possibility of removing those conditions.
Whether we believe the power to end suffering is within us or we
look for assistance from the divinity outside of ourselves, it is
our responsibility to actively seek healing solutions to our
problems. If we embrace the teaching the Buddha offers that
suffering is unnecessary, it is easier to see that we may be the
cause of most of our pain. Our reactions to the events in our lives
may be worse than the events. Our coping mechanisms may result in
more harm than good. We, like Chenrezig, have the ability to choose
to devote ourselves to ending suffering - both our own and that of
others. By committing ourselves to making choices that will aid in
mending and healing, and refusing to distract ourselves from our
pain, we can liberate our lives and become the most authentic,
perfectly imperfect people we are meant to
be.---------------------------------------- Diane welcomes your
contact with her by phone:919- 469-0304 or email: audreyfarber@hotmail.com
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Bugs In A Bowl
We're just like bugs in a bowl. All day going around never
leaving their bowl. I say: That's right! Every day climbing up the
steep sides, sliding back. Over and over again. Around and around.
Up and back down. Sit in the bottom of the bowl, Head in your hands,
cry, moan, Feel sorry for yourself. Or, Look around. See your fellow
bugs. Walk around. Say, "Hey, how you doing?" Say, "Nice Bowl!"
--------- Han-shan, 10th Century Chinese poet
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Quoteable Sightings and Other Thoughts
Anonymous gets credit for this one. I found it in a social
worker's newsletter:------------------------ -------Three Secrets to
a Happy Life:------------------ --- 1) Work like you don't need the
money.-- 2) Love like you've never been hurt.-- 3) Dance like
nobody's watching!
Sticker on a dirty mini-van:-- "You can't criticize me 'cuse
you're not me."
50% of kids in America try alcohol by the fourth grade! This
percentage has tripled in the last 10 years.-------- Source:
Research Institute on Addictions, New York State Office of
Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Services.
What one word would you write in bright red lipstick on the
mirror you face each morning to remind you that your first and
number one job today is to attend to self so you can know and meet
all your needs?--------- How about your first name!!
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Am I Excited About This Book Or What!
"A General Theory of Love", Thomas Lewis, M.D., Fari Amini, M.D.,
and Richard Lannon, M.D.; Vintage Books, 2000.-----------------
Entertainment Weekly says of this book, "In elegant prose, the
authors argue why we need a culture attunded to the ways of the
heart."-------
Drawing on new scientific discoveries about the human brain,
these authors describe the workings of our ancient, pivotal urge for
intimacy. Our nervous systems are not self-contained. From earliest
childhood our brains actually link with those of the people close to
us in a silent rhythm that makes up the life force of the body.
These wordless ties determine our mood, stabilize and maintain
our health, and change the structure of our brains, so that, in a
very real sense, who we are and who we become depend on whom we
love.
This book will explain to you how the following exercise
works;----------------- Sit in a room with another person for at
least an hour and have only one purpose in mind: attend to that
other person entirely and totally. As you do so, another world will
expand and come alive to your senses, a world governed by forces
that were old before humanity began.
More on "A General Theory of Love" »
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