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September 2007 netPsychologist.com Newsletter
Tools and Tips For Success With Peace of Mind.
  So What If "It" Isn't Fair?
It's an old story. A man needs laborers to work on his property. He goes to the labor pool and hires two men who agree to work for him all day for two dollars.

At mid-day, the same man realizes the work will not get done without more help. He goes back to the labor pool and hires two additional men who agree to work the rest of the day for two dollars each.

This occurs two more times during the day; again at noon and finally at mid-afternoon. Each man agrees to work the remainder of the day for two dollars. At days end, the employer calls all eight workers together and pays them each two dollars. Instead of "Thank you," the laborers shout, "Unfair!" The man answers that he has done nothing wrong as each received what they bargained for.

"To be worthy of, to merit, to qualify for." These are some of the definitions of the word "deserve." Are we worthy of the good that comes our way? Do we not qualify for the bad that be falls us? I suggest the answer to both questions is "No."

Where does this idea of deserve or don't deserve come from? It's as if we are entitled to certain results and outcomes in life. Usually, what's considered fair is a fluid, changing thing based on what is observed happening to others. What I think I deserve or not can change instantly if someone else by comparison gets more or less. Few people determine "fair" on their own terms without a comparative assessment.

So it goes with humans. However, judging how fairly life is treating me by comparing myself to the fate or fortune of my neighbor does not bode well for my inner peace and a focus on my self care. Not only does that keep me focused on other people, it keeps my sense of contentment dependent on other peoples' behavior. That leads to blaming others for my troubles, revenge, retribution and resentment. The alternative is to focus on what I am doing to manage my self as best I can under existing circumstances.

I like how the body handles life. If pleasure is available to it, it receives the pleasure as a gift, large or small, and enjoys the sensations, no questions asked. If it is injured, it does not litigate or blame or hesitate until someone makes things right. Rather, the wounded body sets immediately to healing itself and getting on with life. Only the mind knows how to pout.

Following Your Bliss Is Vital!
Diane K. Osbon   Don't Look Back.
As we love ourselves, we move toward our own bliss, by which Joseph Campbell meant our highest enthusiasm. The word entheos means "god-filled." Moving towards that which fills us with the godhood, that place where time is not, is all we need to do to change the world around us. Then we, naturally and without effort, love others and allow them to move beyond their self-imposed limitations, and in their own ways. The goal is to evolve to that place where the energy that had been projected outward to correct the world is turned around to correct oneself - to get on our own track and to dance, in balance, between the worlds.

Following your bliss, as Joseph meant it, is not self-indulgent but vital; your whole physical system knows that this is the way to be alive in this world and the way to give the world the very best that you have to offer. There is a track just waiting for each of us, and once on it, doors will open that were not open before and would not open for anyone else. Everything does start clicking along, and yes, even Mother Nature herself supports the journey.

I have found that you do have only to take that one step toward the gods and they will then take ten steps toward you. That step, the heroic first step of the journey, is out of, or over the edge of, your boundaries, and it often must be taken before you know that you will be supported. The hero's journey has been compared to a birth; it starts out warm and snug in a safe place; then comes a signal, growing more insistent, that it is time to leave. To stay beyond your time is to putrefy. Without the blood and tearing and pain, there is no new life.

- From "A Joseph Campbell Companion," selected and edited by Diane K. Osbon.

Why Would The New York Times Print This?
    Doesn't Everyone Know This Already? ring of people
"In a way it all seems so obvious. Your friend found a lump in her breast, so you have that long-delayed mammogram. One by one your friends stop smoking, so you stop, too. Of course people are affected by their friends' habits and their health.

But what seems obvious in the abstract can lead to surprising findings. A recent study found that obesity can spread from friend to friend much like a virus. When one person gains weight, close friends tend to gain weight, too.

The study, published recently in The New England Journal of Medicine, involved a detailed analysis of a large social network of 12,067 people who had been closely followed for 32 years, from 1971 to 2003.

Now, scientists believe that social networks not only can spread diseases, like the common cold, but also may influence many types of behavior -- negative and positive -- which then affect an individual's health, as well as a community's."

This is a great piece of research that confirms realities our culture likes to deny. Americans like to believe we are islands of rugged self sufficiency unto ourselves, whether it involves war, health or finances. We do not like to think our welfare may depend on others and our relationships with them.

The idea that denies this kind of systemic, we-are-all-connected reality is that American notion that says I am the captain of my life and what befalls me is only the results of my behavior, unless of course someone wrongs me. Then I shift into entitlement thinking and action. If others are in trouble, it's because they did something to "deserve" it. We blame the victim and don't see any connection between them and me.

Oh, well, it is good that other realities peek through once in a while. Let those with eyes to see take a look. You may read the rest of the report on this "new" research for yourself. Click here.

 
 
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