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May 2010
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netPsychologist.com Newsletter
Tools
and Tips For Success With Relationships.
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Americans love the idea of marriage, but they are not very good
at it.
Most of us agree that marriage is undoubtedly connected to
health and well being. New research is fine tuning that
picture. For example, the research tells us that single
people who never marry are more healthy than people who
marry and then divorce. Another finding indicates that a
stressful marriage can damage the heart as much as a regular
smoking habit.
Researchers such as Ronald Glaser and Jan Kiecolt-Glaser (a
married couple), Timothy W. Smith and James A. Coan are
giving us a more specific and detail look at the interaction
between health and the quality of marriage and other
significant relationships.
Notable findings:
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Troubled couples should first attempt to repair marital
discord, but if staying married means endless acrimony,
as far as your health is concerned, you are better off
divorced.
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Couples in distressed marriages are more susceptible to
illnesses than happier couples. Literal, physical wounds
take twice as long to heal in relations where the
bickering occurs with high levels of hostility than
among happy couples.
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The drip, drip of negativity in a marriage renders
couples at a higher risk level for heart attacks and
cardiovascular disease than couples in supportive
relationships.
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In happy marriages, a wife holding her husband's hand
can have as much of a calming effect for her as the use
of a pain relieving drug.
And this is but a sampling of the current and soon to be
released research findings.
With all the evidence establishing this link between health
and marital stress, there is little doubt couples who are
concerned about their physical wellbeing need to monitor and
manage their level of marital discord... or call it quits
and move on to happier emotional places.
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 It
is not easy for me to accept a commonly held idea about work, that
it is all and only about money and making a living. Really, I think
that is the least of it. Work brings us much more: pain, pleasure,
relief from turmoil and chaos at home, ego gratification, power,
isolation from other people's realities, a sense of accomplishment
or failure, a place to feel needed or to be lost.
I'm not only talking about work as in a place away from home you go
to and exchange your time and expertise for someone else's money.
Work can be your school, your job at home or on the road. If you're
a stay-at-home mom or the ruler and CEO of a huge corporation, you
have work. Students have work, retirees have work, preschool kids
have work. Yes, different kinds of work, but work in that you expend
energy (muscular, neurological, emotional, spiritual) to make
something happen, even if it is kicking the ball on the play ground
at recess.
What's the point? In America, what ever you call work, it is one of
the best mirrors you have for looking at yourself. Work is one big
reflection of you. Again I ask: "What did your work bring you this
week?"
Pain showed up in my counseling work this week. Pain of choosing
forgiveness over hard, resentful feelings. Pain of hearing about
children being abused. Pain of losing dreams and hopes. Pain that
comes from lethargy and satiation from overindulgence of self.
There were celebrations of success and achievement, "hi fives" over
finally seeing the light and a willingness to embrace hope at the
end of a dark tunnel. Struggles for peace of mind, stubborn denial
and quiet acceptance of self had their moments in my work place, as
well.
My work brought me a microcosm of human life, of my life. I saw
myself reflected in the flow of human existence. What a gift to me
to have this opportunity to be part of such a magnificent mystery,
tears and all.
This week my work brought me the blessing of knowing I am in the
right place at the right time, right where I need to be. How about
you?
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